Today’s
excerpt is from Whodunit Did It, Book #1 of the Bader Trilogy. Some humor as Elmer agrees to re-marry his
third ex-wife right after his partner marries her sister. Enjoy and have a wonderful day.
m.j.
Once everyone
was in more comfortable clothing, with Elmer pouring drinks, he joked, “I’m not
sure we need any more to drink.”
Beth laughed, “I
sure as hell do…make mine a double. In
case you forgot, I was the designated driver…probably the only bride in history
who was the designated driver.”
“And a fine one
you were,” joked Elmer.
After everyone
had their drinks, Elmer asked, “Where are you two gonna live? That dump of Alan’s—or the plush apartment of
yours, Beth?”
Before either
Beth or Alan could respond, Ruth asked, “Elmer, may I have a word with you in
the kitchen, please?”
Elmer dutifully
followed Ruth to the kitchen. He asked,
“What’s up?”
“I want to ask
you a question.”
“Ask away,
baby.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Nope. Just had a few, but sober as a judge. In fact I’m much more sober than the judge
who granted you your divorce after you demanded to pay me alimony. Poor fella probably went out on a three-week
binge.”
“Will you be
serious? I have a serious question to
ask.”
“So ask—don’t
threaten to be serious, then keep putting it off. What?”
“You are drunk.”
“Nope…just
happy.”
“Why are you
happy?”
“Because you
want to ask me a serious question…shoot.”
Ruth busted out
laughing, “This is getting us nowhere.
Will you marry me?”
“Sure…thought
you’d never ask.”
“Me ask? Aren’t you the one who should be doing the
asking?”
“Nope. Did last time…you see where that got
us. Figured it was your turn.”
“You did say
‘yes,’ right?”
“Righto, baby.”
“You are drunk.”
“Maybe, but it
sounds like a good excuse to use if this marriage doesn’t last, too. I was drunk when I said yes.”
“That’s okay, as
long as you said ‘yes.’ There’s
something else I want to talk to you about.
I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
“I’m carrying
your child, you goof.”
“Well, that’s…”
That’s when
Elmer passed out. Ruth sighed, then
hollered for Alan to come drag his partner to bed. When Alan got him in Ruth’s bedroom, she
carefully undressed him and covered him up.
In the morning, Elmer woke up. He
groaned. When he saw he was alone in
bed, he managed to get up, go to the bathroom, take a shower, brush his teeth,
shave (cutting himself twice), then get partially dressed. He staggered into the kitchen to see three
smiling faces. As he slowly made his way
to the coffee pot, he asked, “Oh, my God—did anyone get the license number of
the truck that ran over me?”
When assured no
one had, he sat, drank a sip of coffee, then asked, “Ruthie, did you or did you
not ask me if I would marry you last night?
And did I or did I not say ‘yes,’ right before you told me you were
pregnant?”
“‘Yes’ to all of
the above. I’m pregnant. You said you’d marry me. You said it before I told you about being pregnant…right before you passed
out. You know, in all the years I’ve
known you, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you anywhere near drunk. What’s with that?”
“What’s after it
is the world’s worst hangover. I’m glad
you asked. I’m glad I said ‘yes.’ I’m super glad you’re pregnant…especially if
I’m the father.”
“You’re not
funny.”
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